The Middleman
Overview of the title The Middleman is an All-American hero with a mysterious past know only to the android Ida, Each Middleman receives his orders from the O2STK, or Organization too secret to know. Known previous Middlemen include: The 1969 Middleman, the World War II Middleman, the Victorian Middleman and Barbarian Middleman, all but the Victorian Middleman had a female sidekick. And the Middleman during World War II had a side kick named Middleboy. Known Middlemen 1969 Middleman The 1969 Middleman, or Guy Goddard once fought evil during more psychodelic times. He was cryogenically frozen with the specific orders to be awoken only if his archnemisis the Candle ever returned. When the Candle's melting gun was used he was revieved, and went slightly crazy wanting to relive his glory days. Guy wore High Karate cologne and was far more rough then the Present Day Middleman, often drinking alcholic beverages and making sexual comments about Wendy. He melted his left hand off after he was revieved in an attempt to show that the Candle was still alive. He later then tried to kill the Middleman and then sacrificed himself to save him. What was left of him was given a proper funeral. He was one of the few Middlemen to reach retirement. Present Day Middleman The present day Middleman is intelligent, rugged and absolutely despises plagiarism. He drinks four glasses of milk per day, and carries a flask of milk on him in case there isn't a vendor nearby. He is trained in the martial arts by Sensei Ping of the Clan of the Pointed Stick. The Middleman has access to a seemingly unending supply of fake indentities. The Middleman has recently taken in Wendy Watson as his Middleman-in-training, and has brought her on his adventures to help save the world. The Middleman's past is unknown to anyone except for Ida and the Middleman himself. However it is known that the Middleman shares his name with his father and was given a bugle from him. The Middleman is fluent in eighteen Earth languages as well as Manicoid. The Middleman once served as a Navy Seal, so he knows how to stay dry. He is a fan of western movies namely Ride Lonesome, to which he has seen only the opening act 16 times, as well as country music, especially Jimmy Rodgers and the Carter Family. For a short while he has a personal relationship with Lacey however, ended it due to the dangers she would face being around him. Zombie Middleman A Middleman once died during a zombie outbreak, only to return as a zombie. His own Middleman in training had to shoot him in the head to stop him. Cases Below is a brief overview on the recent cases involving the Middleman and Wendy Watson. The Pilot Episode Sanction All over town Mobsters were being mysteriously executed, and the only clue left behind was a single banana peel at each of the crime scenes. Ida scans the peels and detects genetically enhanced simian D.N.A. on them. So the Middleman and Wendy headed off to the one place in town where they could find genetically enhanced simians. The team arrives at Simiontics Labs where Dr. Gibbs has been experimenting on gorilla brains to increase their higher brain functions. The Lab's cages are filled with gorilla's reciting poetry, painting or otherwise making some sort of art, except for one cage, the ape Spanky's which was empty. Upon investigation, the Middleman and Wendy discover a secret passage which leads down to a room filled with mobster movie memorabilia, leading them to the conclusion that Spanky has been behind the murders. The Middleman and Wendy track down Spanky who escapes into the local zoo and discards his voice box. After a futile day of searching, Wendy returns to her illegal sublet to find a banana peel in front of her door, she calls the Middleman. After detaining the ape they discover he has obtained a new voice box; which could only mean that Dr. Gibbs was behind the whole thing. So the team breaks into the labs and destroys the supercomputer which controls the apes and foils Gibbs' plan to take over the world with an army of hyper-intelligent apes, thus saving the world. The Accidental Occidental Conception A magical Earth Elemental Chinese Terracotta Warrior shows up to kidnap the heir to the Qin Dynasty and doom the Earth to 1000 years of raining fire. The Middleman, who may be an expert with aliens and martial arts, apparently has one area of weakness; the supernatural. So he employs the aide of Roxy Wasserman. Roxy begins to prepare the only thing which can destroy the Earth elemental, a Vial of Aquatic Banishment. While Wendy is preparing to depart to China, she lets slip to Lacey that she is going to be working with Roxy, this infuriates Lacey who is opposed to how Roxy is keeping fur in style. Lacey confronts Roxy, but ends up impressing her with her fasion knowledge and ends up with a job. Roxy sends her to get Tahiti water for the vial of aquatic banishment. Meanwhile, Ida discovers that the heir to the Qin dynasty is not in China, but is a local boy named Duncan, and isn't the least bit Asian. The Middleman and Wendy rush to Duncan's school and rescue him just in time from the Terracotta Warrior. They take him back home in the Middlemobile, where Lacey is waiting with what she thinks is a bottle of "Skin Treatment" for the Middleman. However, Lacey and her neighbor Noser have filled the vials with tap water to lower it's carbon footprint. The Warrior arrives and overpowers the Middleman, Wendy and their useless, but still ecological vial. The Warrior kidnaps Duncan and heads off to the Underworld. With Roxy's help and a new vial of aquatic banishment the Middleman and Wendy race to the Underworld and in a final confrontation, destroy the Terracotta Warrior, thus saving the world. The Sino-Mexican Revolution Sensei Ping is coming from his home with the Clan of the Pointed Stick to turn Wendy into a Man-Killer. However the Middleman gets red ball from O2STK, La Cage de Lumiere has been stolen, while the Middleman is busy with the diamond caper, he must send Wendy to go pick up Sensei Ping at the airport. After being heavily critized Wendy, who is no longer paying attention drives straight into a trap set up a several Mexican Luchadores. The wrestlers knock Wendy unconscious and capture Sensei Ping using the very diamond that the Middleman was searching for. By the time the Middleman arrives it is too late and the luchadores have escaped. The Middleman knows that El Maestro De Ceremonies and his associate El Comelon are behind the kidnapping, wishing to satisfy a decade old blood-fued between Sensei Ping and the Luchadores. The Middleman warns Wendy that if Sensei Ping is not rescued then the Clan of the Pointed Stick will send assassins to kill all of those responsible for Sensei's kidnapping, including the Middleman and Wendy. The Middleman then leaves Wendy behind and travels to the Dread Pyramid of Itzilichlitlichlitzl to rescue Sensei Ping. Upon reaching the pyramid, the Middleman too is kidnapped, so Wendy, ignoring Ida's advice to leave the country takes the Middle-jet to go and rescue the Middleman and the Sensei. Meanwhile, Sensei Ping is allowed to choose a champion to fight the Luchadores champion to win his freedom, he of course chooses the Middleman. The Luchadores send out Cien Mascaras, who was once a man who wore 100 masks, but now due to a curse he recieved is 100 men who all have to wear the same mask. After a furious battle, the last of the Cien Mascaras prepare to finish the Middleman when Wendy arrives and breaks Sensei Ping's prison of light. Sensei Ping then removes the mask of El Sapo Doradoand proceeds to defeat all of the Luchadors, saving the Wu-Han Thumb of Death for El Maestro De Ceremonies, thus saving the world. The Manicoid Teleportation Conundrum For 6 months, people in the upscale part of town had been mysteriously dissapearing and in more then one case reappearing without their head. Upon asking the HEYDAR Ida determined that all of the victims shared a plastic surgeon named Dr. Newleaf. The Middleman and Wendy confronted the Dr. at his office, the Middleman offered him a rare diamond he had back at the Middleman headquarters. Dr. Newleaf took the jewel and proceeded to devour it. Being as it was pop-quiz day the Middleman allowed Wendy to attempt to handle the situation. Upon realizing that he was compromised the Dr. called for security, and Wendy pulled her gun. The Middleman inturupted, apologizing for Wendy's rash action, and explained that Dr. Newleaf was a Manicoid, an alien whose anatomy was almost identical to a human's with the exception of their expessially wide mouth. After a discussion with Dr. Newleaf, the Middleman gave him his Middle-watch, explaining that is was a symbol of peace and stressed that the Manicoid, not eat it. The Middleman then used the watch after the Doctor's inevitable obduction to track him to KBTTF T.V. Broadcast Studio where Dr. Gilbert M. Sullivan filmed his television show. After finding a secret room filled with mounted heads the Middleman and Wendy found the watch, but not Dr. Newleaf. Dr. Gill entered in hunting garb, including pith helmet, and confessed to hunting down the Manicoids, and after his father died shooting down the first Manicoid ship, using it to teleport the Manicoids to his private hunting reserve and hunt them down. After a brief firefight Dr. Gill began to teleport himself to his reserve, Wendy dove into the teleporter just as it sent them both. Wendy then spent the afternoon running from Dr. Gill, when she encountered Dr. Newleaf she decided to confront the Dr. since he couldn't possibly make her day any worse. She confessed to the doctor about her past boyfriend troubles, until a beam of red light burst from the sky and evaporated Dr. Gill. A Manicoid spaceship landed and the Middleman stepped out, Dr. Newleaf and Wendy boarded it to head for home, thus saving the world. The Flying Fish Zombiefication The Middleman recieves a call about a man who was attacked by his wife during a camping trip in the local woods. The Middleman and Wendy respond by speaking to the man in the hospital, he said that his wife Bonnie Blue was by the pond washing up and when she came back she was a yellow eyed, sharp teethed zombie. Bonnie proceeded to throw a recreation vehicle and attempted to eat the face of her husband who escaped into the woods. The Middleman and Wendy later apprehended Bonnie at a local fish market and after using the HEAL they determined that the case was a bite from a Peruvian Flying Pike and the cure requires the pineal fluid from a like Pike. While investigating the area of the incident with Bonnie Wendy is attacked by a Flying Pike and beat it to death with a rock. On the tail however was a tag leading the Middleman and Wendy to the Odessey & Oracle Exotic Fish Hatchery. After arriving at the Hatchery the team was ambushed by a group of shotgun wielding hatchery guards led by Shotgun Joe and after using Pain's River overpowered them. Following a short interrogation the Middleman and Wendy learned that their target was a man named Mr. White. News reaches the Middleman and Wendy of another Trout Zombie attack in progress, and after treating this zombie the victim explained that she wanted to be a model for !!!!. The Middleman felt compelled to investigate this, upon arrival Mr White, who was in fact Shotgun Joe explains the details of his plan, selling his concoction as an energy drink to turn the world into Trout Zombies, and sicks three Zombie models on the Middleman and Wendy. While hiding the Middleman teaches Wendy the Devil's Dance, which they use on the models. Realizing that they could never catch Mr. White now, Wendy belives the world is doomed, however the Middleman shows Wendy that her spare key allows for the deployment of a rocket engine from the top of her middlemobile. Wendy and the Middleman overpower Mr. White just before his product went into a test market, thus saving the world. The Boy Band Superfan Interrogation A rip in the fabric of the space has been opened and happened to suck in a duck. The Middleman dispersed the crowd by claiming the obscure scene was street magic. The Middleman asks Ida to locate what generated the warphole on the HEYDAR. But she is crashed by another HEYDAR nearby. Ida tracks the HEYDAR to the home of a nearby college professor, Dr. Elliot Marshel. After questioning the professor, the Middleman and Wendy come to the conclusion that he could not have created the HEYDAR, and that the lab in his home could not be his, due to his mechanical incompetence and the fact that the lab's tables were remarkably low. However Cindy Marshall, the professor's daughter, arrives, and then after snatching the black box that the Middleman had found in the lab, escaped. The Middleman and Wendy returned to the Middleman HQ to find it had been attacked. They enter the HEYDAR room and find Ida, as well as Cindy, who was apprehended and interrogated. As it turns out Cindy was actually Commander Mark II Clotharian Ree of the rebel fleet from the war torn Clothar Galaxy, and was on a misson to stop the Clotharian dictators who were disguised as a boy band called Varsity Fanclub from opening up a warphole back to Clothar IV. Meanwhile Interrodroid 4000 who was taking over for Ida, played a message from High Aldwin Supreme Commander of the Clotharian Rebel Fleet, who demanded the release of Cindy so she could complete her mission, or the Clotharians would be forced to destroy the Earth and prevent Varsity Fanclub's escape. However to prevent their escape, Cindy must use a device which requires Ida's battery to function. The Middleman is faced with loosing Ida, or the world, and chooses to sacrafice Ida. The Middleman and Wendy head to the Varsity Fanclub concert to try and find an alternative to killing Ida. While back stage they see Cindy shot by the Fanclub's security. The Middleman is forced to complete Cindy's mission, thus saving the world. The Cursed Tuba Coningency Wendy gets a red ball from O2STK, a man recently drowned; which isn't that odd, except that he did so while in bed at the Pickinpah Hotel. The Middleman and Wendy investigate only to find a CIA Agent Cecil Rogers is already on the case, and by measuring salination levels determined the man died in waters from the cold waters of the North Atlantic. The Middleman dismissed Rogers and soon enough more CIA enter, and say they've never heard of any agent Rogers. The body was identified as Arty Atkins or Double A, a local fence. Ida ran a search on all of his phone records and known clients which led them to Johnny John. They arrived at Johnny's apartment, and he greeted them, asking them to wait five minutes because he had a beautiful girl in his apartment and that has never happened to him before. The pair agrees to wait outside while some increasingly violent noises eminate from the apartment. The Middleman kicks down the door and finds a Succubus attacking Johhny. The Middleman takes hold of the Succubus and uses her as leverage to get anwsers out of Jonny. They learn that they had stolen a valuable Tuba from a local bank. The Succubus however, leads them to Roxy Wasserman, and learn that she wanted the tuba but hadn't orginally planned to steal it. Ida runs a search on the HEYDAR and after hours of searching, locates the tuba in the possession of Artarau Arroyo son of Gabriel Arroyo owner of the hotel where Double A died. The Middleman and Wendy go to the Edward J. Smith Public High School band tryouts in an attempt to recover the tuba, however it was again stolen by none other the Cecil Rogers, who after was shot outside the school. Preparing to do first aid the Middleman opens his shirt, to see the wound heal itself, Cecil was immortal. The team brought Cecil back to Middleman Headquarters for questioning, and found out he had no less then eight alias dating back to the tuba player on the Titanic. Cecil admitted to being the tuba player, however he recieved a curse after taking the seats of a child with polio and his blind mother, as long as that tuba is in tact, Cecil cannot die. The tuba was taken by none other then billionare oilman Arthur Mendleson, who was a know Titanic fetishist and was hosting a party on his private ocean liner, which is three feet longer then the Queen Mary, and eighty-six feet longer then the Titanic. The Middleman and Wendy dress up to attend the party, and while Lacey helps Wendy with her hair, Lacey decides she would also like to attend the party and, after her mother swings her a ticket, invites Noser as her guest. While searching the ship for the tuba the Middleman and Wendy are captured by Mendleson, who doesn't believe in the tuba's curse. After he leaves Cecil steps out of the shadows, revieling that he planned to play the Tuba and prevent anyone from knowing his secret, then leaves to execute it. The Middleman resorts to texting Lacey for help, and she arrives rescuing the team, and suspects that there is more to their jobs then they had admitted. When the team returns to the deck Cecil runs, hoping to escape long enough to play a fatal note. Wendy however fires a spear gun into the tuba and knocks Cecil overboard, thus saving the world. The Ectoplasmic Panhellenic Investigation Campus Police at Reitman University apprehended a freshman named Lewis who called them, claiming to have seen a ghost while he was wearing a dress and infilitrating a sorority house for his Theta Theta Gamma frat pledge. The Middleman and Wendy went and retrieved Lewis from the campus police and learned that due to his recent Pineal Gland removal surgery he could now see and hear ghosts. Wendy was assigned to go undercover, but only after reviewing the Moscow Rules with her. While assembling her Psychokinesis Meter, Wendy was acosted by Ali who questioned Wendy's cover, but after a quick girl talk, Wendy proved that she knew the Omega handshake, upon which Ali stated that they "needed to talk," soon after Eleanor Draper who has been watching Ali like a hawk. Armed with a pair of Pineal Glasses Wendy could see, but not hear the ghosts. She determined that the apparitions were the Ghosts of the Living of Omega Theta Nu's officers. The girls tried to warn Wendy before a canvas bag was slipped over her head, breaking her glasses; she was brought out to what turned out to be an offical welcoming of Wendy to their house. While Ali offically welcomed Wendy, the other girls were doing the offical welcome cheer, except for the officers, who didn't seem to know it. Ali tells Wendy that there is something wrong with them, and especially with Eleanor, who wasn't even a sister. Recruiting Lewis for help, Wendy learned that the ghosts didn't know what had happened to them, only that the last thing they remembered was being invited to a frat party at the Physics building. Wendy called the Middleman and sent him there straight away. The Middleman arrived on the scene and was confronted by Eleanor, who had constructed a Quantum Processor to send the souls of her friends into the bodies of the sorority officers. Elanor then activated the machine and possessed the Middleman. Wendy met up with Eleanor in the Middleman's body, and she sent Wendy home for the afternoon. Wendy got home but was soon visited by Lewis, who claimed that the Middleman was there in spirit form and wouldn't leave him alone. After proving that it was really him, they ran off to the soroity house to stop Eleanor's plot to throw a wild party and get the Omega's charter revoked since they refused her. After a fight Eleanor got into the Middlemobile and went straight to Middleman HQ. Wendy contacted Ida and she confirmed that the Middleman wasn't the Middleman, and got ready to take her out with a traquilizer when she activated the Emergency Lockdown Procedure, thus trapping herself in the HEYDAR Room before activating the self-distruct, which would destroy the Middleman's body, but send her soul back to her own body. Meanwhile, Wendy and Lewis entered the Physics building and shut down the Quantum Processor, returning all their souls to their original bodies, but not before Ida reached the Middleman and knocked him out. Eleanor was sent to greenland, thus saving the world. The Obsolescent Cryogenic Meltdown Klebbs Fine Jewels was recently melted and over seven figures worth of jewelry was stolen. The Middleman and Wendy consult the Middlelore inside the Archive Room and determine that the one responsible for the melting must have been The Candle, a villian last seen October of 1969. The Middleman orders a search for the Candle on the HEYDAR, an order which see ignores, instead she revieves the 1969 Middleman who was contained in the Middleman Cryogenics Vault. The 69 Middleman quickly comes up with a plan to catch the Candle by putting up an add in the Thrifty Nickel for Balthorium G. While on a stakeout the Middleman apprehends the Candle, who happens to be a young man who knew the real Candle before he died and took the Melting Ray to get rich. 1969 Middleman is all for using brutal interrogation techniques, but the present day Middleman prevents him, and then forces him to retire. After finishing his retirement, Guy Goddard, the 1969 Middleman's real name, confronts Wendy, and asks her to help him catch the Candle. They both attend a game of Shibum, Guy excuses himself to go to the restroom, and Wendy takes his place at the table. Soon one of the other players is caught cheating, and was about to be executed, Wendy drew her Middlegun to prevent the attack. Soon enough the Middleman arrived to save the day and the pair went off to find Guy. They found him by the vault, which had been melted, along with his left hand. Together they went to the Candle's lair on Snake Island, using the Middlesub. Once inside they split up, and the Middleman found himself trapped by a slowly rotating melting ray. Guy tried to convince Wendy that the Middleman had died, but she went after him, to find him alive, but in a pickle. Guy soon revieled that the Melting Ray had no off switch, and so in a heroic display of sacrafice, destroyed the machine using his new Middlehook, thus saving the world. Expressions Regardless of his time as a Navy Seal, the Middleman refuses to curse instead using these alternative phrases. *Jumping Bananas we’re in Dutch *Well Dag-diggity *Hot Diggity Dog *Too Gosh Darn High *Lets Kick the Tires and Light the Fires *Sands of Zanzibar *Hawks of the Luftwaffe *If we don’t find an antidote, her hearts going to explode like a sausage casing full of weasels *Chocoholics Anonymous *Well that’s just a humdinger then isn’t it? *Sweet mother of Preston Tucker *Guns of Navarone *Grapes of Wrath *I’m as serious as a hefty bag full of rottweilers *Great hearts of palm that is grotesque *Flowers for Algernon *Oh Phooey *Chutes and Ladders *Just back up 200 feet *That's Dirty Pool *I'll clean his clock *Holy Onions *Well thats just depraved *I will not have this escalate into a donnybrook *That really steams my clams *Sweet Molly Brown *Great Barrier Reef *Great Ceaser's Ghost *Ghosts of the Living *Fire and Brimstone *Fragments of Moonrock *Halls of Montezuma *Shores of Tripoli Middle-Gear *Beyond the Realm of Science Scanner *Bio-harmonic Universal Multi-Modular Emotional Rerouter *Concussive Stun Field Generator *HEAL *HEYDAR *Middle-Clothes *Middle-Gun *Middlemobile *Middlemobile 2 *Middle-Jet *Middle-Watch *Psychokinesis Meter *Truth-bomb Category:Characters